Supporting older clients through change and loss
A client's retirement plans can look perfectly sound on paper. Yet the loss of a partner, declining health or even the prospect of giving up driving can dramatically change how they feel about their future, their independence and the decisions they face.
For financial advisers, understanding these changes is important.
Having spent many years counselling people through retirement and other major life transitions, I've seen how the practical changes are often only part of the challenge. What may appear to be a straightforward decision to others can represent a profound loss to the person experiencing it.
The old adage that "ageing is not for the faint-hearted" has some truth to it. However, ageing also brings opportunities, new freedoms and positive experiences. The challenge is that these gains are often accompanied by losses, some expected and others arriving quite unexpectedly.
For advisers who build long-term relationships with clients, some of the most important conversations may take place when life no longer follows the original plan.
Common challenges and losses in later life
Change typically involves a combination of gains and losses. As we grow older, many people report feeling happier than in their middle aged years but changes in our health, relationships, capabilities and circumstances can challenge our independence, confidence and sense of identity.
These experiences do not follow a fixed timetable. Some people remain active and independent well into their 80s and beyond, while others encounter significant challenges much earlier. Nevertheless, certain experiences can become more common at different stages of later life.
Young-old (65–74)
For many people, this period involves adjusting to retirement and a different sense of purpose, identity and routine. Common challenges can include:
Being forced into retirement through redundancy or ill-health, or experiencing a poorly planned and emotionally difficult transition out of working life.
Relationship difficulties or separation, including what is sometimes called "grey divorce", with consequences for finances, housing and family relationships.
Adult children facing relationship breakdowns, housing difficulties or financial pressures and unexpectedly needing to rely on their parents for support.
Concerns about retirement spending, particularly anxiety about running out of money or uncertainty about whether savings will last.
The illness or death of a partner, bringing emotional upheaval alongside practical decisions about finances, housing and living arrangements.
Middle-old (75–84)
For some, this period brings increasing challenges to physical capabilities, social connections and independence. These may include:
Social isolation following the loss of a partner or close friends, sometimes leading to loneliness, anxiety and having fewer people with whom to discuss worries.
Changes in eyesight, hearing, mobility, memory or cognitive agility that make everyday activities more difficult.
Increasing difficulty navigating digital services, including online banking, government services and authentication processes.
Falls, illness or periods of hospitalisation that can undermine confidence and create greater dependence on family or professional carers.
Family tensions when an older person's wish to remain independent conflicts with relatives' concerns about their safety or wellbeing.
Oldest-old (85+)
At more advanced ages, some individuals face more complex health and care needs, although experiences vary enormously. Challenges may include:
Greater reliance on others for everyday activities, including the possibility of moving from independent living into supported or residential aged care.
Managing serious or chronic illnesses, including neurodegenerative conditions that can affect memory, decision-making and communication.
Navigating the aged care system, which can be confusing and stressful for older people and their families, particularly when care needs change suddenly.
Difficult decisions about selling the family home, funding care and appointing someone to assist with financial or personal decisions.
Family disagreements over care, inheritance or decision-making responsibilities, including situations where an older person may be vulnerable to financial exploitation or elder abuse.
In all these situations, the practical consequences may be considerable. Yet it is often the less visible emotional consequences that are hardest for others to appreciate.
Someone who has managed their own affairs for decades may resist accepting help, even when their capabilities have changed. Comments such as "Don't tell me I need a walking stick, I only lost my balance because the footpath was uneven!" can sound like stubbornness. In reality, they may reflect a deeper fear of losing independence.
Understanding that distinction can make a considerable difference to how advisers approach difficult conversations.
The difference between change events and emotional transitions
One of the most useful distinctions when supporting people through later life is the difference between a change event and an emotional transition.
A change event is something that happens in a person's life. An emotional transition is the process of coming to terms with what that change means for them. The event itself may happen quickly. Adjusting to it can take weeks, months or sometimes much longer.
Consider an older client who is told they can no longer drive because of deteriorating eyesight, perhaps due to macular degeneration. The decision may be made in a single appointment, but the emotional consequences can last considerably longer.
For someone who has driven for decades, losing their licence can mean losing independence, spontaneity and a familiar part of their identity. Their first response may be disbelief or anger. They may bargain, asking, "Can't I still drive, but only to my local shops?"
Over time, they may begin to find alternatives, regain confidence and discover unexpected benefits. They might even come to enjoy looking at the scenery from a bus or tram rather than concentrating on the traffic around them.
But reaching that point can require considerable adjustment.
Psychological models of change and loss often describe reactions such as denial, anger, grief, bargaining and eventual acceptance. These reactions do not necessarily occur in a fixed order, and people may experience some, all or none of them. Feelings can also return as circumstances change - the point is there is a journey to navigate.
Typical Disturbance and Damage Cycles in Change
*Adapted and extended from RC Atchley, The Sociology of Retirement (1976).
Where a change can be anticipated, discussing the possible emotional impact beforehand can help people prepare. When an unexpected event has already occurred, active listening and acknowledgement can help them feel understood and supported as they adjust.
Without that understanding, some people may experience prolonged distress, frustration, regret or resentment. They may appear unwilling to accept practical solutions because the underlying emotional loss has not yet been acknowledged. The important lesson is that acknowledging feelings of loss can be just as necessary as addressing the practical consequences of change.
For financial advisers, this is particularly relevant when clients are making consequential decisions about retirement, housing, care or family finances.
Recognising when additional support is needed
Although many people gradually adjust to difficult life events, others may experience prolonged distress, grief or difficulty coming to terms with significant losses.
Advisers who have developed trusting relationships with older clients may be well placed to notice changes in their behaviour, confidence or ability to make decisions.
However, recognising a concern is different from taking responsibility for resolving it.
Where clients are struggling, advisers should remain mindful of their professional boundaries and consider whether additional assistance may be appropriate. Depending on the circumstances, this might involve encouraging contact with a GP, psychologist, grief counsellor or support organisation such as Beyond Blue or Relationships Australia. Where there are immediate concerns about someone's safety, established safety and escalation procedures should be followed.
The goal is to help clients feel heard, understood and connected with the right support if need be, not to investigate, diagnose or personally resolve the underlying problem.
Valuable and sometimes challenging conversations
Helping clients through life's ups and downs can be one of the most satisfying aspects of financial advice. Advisers are typically trusted professionals who have known their clients for years, sometimes decades.
That relationship means clients may share personal concerns that go well beyond the original financial advice question.
A client discussing whether to sell their family home may also be struggling with the prospect of leaving familiar surroundings or accepting a new stage of life. Someone reluctant to change their financial arrangements following the death of a partner may still be coming to terms with their loss.
These feelings can influence how people understand information, evaluate options and make decisions.
Financial advisers have professional obligations to act in their clients' best interests, provide appropriate advice and ensure clients understand the advice they receive. Understanding relevant personal circumstances is an important part of meeting these responsibilities.
There is also a human dimension that goes beyond regulatory requirements. An adviser who recognises that a client is struggling with a major transition may be better placed to understand why a decision is being delayed, why previously agreed plans are being questioned or why seemingly straightforward alternatives are being resisted.
Sometimes, the most valuable first response is not another solution, but taking the time to understand what a client feels they have lost. This is where active listening becomes particularly valuable.
Rather than moving immediately into problem-solving mode, it may be more helpful to acknowledge what the client is experiencing and give them an opportunity to explain what matters most.
That does not mean agreeing with every concern or avoiding difficult financial realities. It means recognising that feelings, as well as facts, influence decision-making. Of course, financial advisers are not counsellors or therapists, nor should they attempt to diagnose or resolve clients' psychological difficulties.
Ideally, part of an adviser's role is to recognise when someone may be struggling, listen to understand, articulate the implications for financial planning decisions and, where appropriate, help connect the client with additional support if required.
Looking at the big picture
Australia's legislated objective of superannuation includes preserving savings to deliver income for a dignified retirement.
Income adequacy, while an essential foundation, is only one part of living well in retirement.
An older client may be financially comfortable yet experience a declining quality of life because of loneliness, deteriorating health or loss of independence. Financial uncertainty may undermine someone's confidence, sense of security and ability to enjoy retirement, even when their objective financial circumstances have not changed dramatically.
So how well do we understand the broader circumstances shaping clients' experiences of retirement?
Measures of financial wellbeing and quality of life can provide useful additional perspectives, particularly when responses are tracked over time.
A decline in a client's self-reported quality of life, for example, might prompt a conversation about recent changes in their circumstances. Changes in financial wellbeing responses might reveal growing anxiety about money, even where the underlying financial position has remained relatively stable.
Their value lies in bringing some structure to helping to identify when a more informed conversation may be worthwhile. They build awareness for both client and adviser about whats really important to them and how best to purposefully plan for a 'good life'.
Used thoughtfully, these insights can complement traditional financial measures, giving advisers a broader understanding of how clients are experiencing their circumstances and whether their needs or priorities may be changing. These are conversations good advisers with deep client relationships are already having.
The broader lesson is that recognising the emotional consequences of change can make financial conversations more meaningful and effective. The aim is not to turn financial advisers into therapists.
Of course it not all about navigating 'problems'. Its also crucially about being able to systematically track positive progress on the things that most clients really care about - how they feel about money, the quality of their life, and their peace of mind.
Seeing improvements over time is not only a powerful proof point for the value of advice but also reinforces financial confidence and behavioural commitments i.e. clients become more likely to commit and adhere to their plan (and best interests).
In the next MYMAVINS blog in this series, we'll explore a client case study and practical ways advisers can respond when clients struggle with major life changes.
References
Psychology Today Australia; The Happiness Curve
Brooks, Arthur C. (2023) From Strength to Strength. Finding success, happiness and deep purpose in the second half of life. Green Tree. London UK.
Atchley, RC. The Sociology of Retirement (1976).
Author
Humphrey Armstrong is a retired psychologist and consultant to MYMAVINS with decades of experience helping Australians navigate their transition to retirement and journey successfully through their third act.
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